A Human/Animal Double-Standard

A friend of mine got a new dog.  A really ugly dog called an Affenpinscher.  That of course makes it adorable.  Then I started thinking — why are we so much more critical of humans than of animals?  What’s up with the double standard when it comes to appearances?  Should we not view each other and be viewed with at least as much dignity as we see the beasts of the wild?  We think this is cute:

But this guy is ugly and creepy:

The elephant has wrinkles to increase the surface area of its skin to keep itself cool.  It’s majestic and noble.

This lady is just old.

The walrus — highly evolved for its environment.  Its blubber keeps it warm in icy waters and stores energy.

Fat fuck on beach.

Enough of this double-standard!  No longer will I be thought of as short, hairy, and going gray — the ultimate fate of a many a Jewish male.

Instead, I am compact, like the agile squirrel.  I am insulated, like the Polar Bear.  I will be a silvertop, like the powerful and protective silverback gorilla.  I am… Squearilla!

Yes, that is EXACTLY how I demand people think of me.


2 Responses to “A Human/Animal Double-Standard”

  1. This is hilarious; I was crying!

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